All Your Love
Grown, given, gone
Your pigtails captured his attention that first day of kindergarten. He tugged on one, trying to annoy while hoping for a reaction. You slapped his hand and noticed the cute freckles sprinkled across his nose. Hairstyles changed, yet he remained enamored by the way the corner of your eyes crinkled with every giggle. And that has stood the test of time.
The crinkles are permanent now, wrinkles if you will. A sign that joyful moments were abundant, that smiles were more frequent than frowns, that laughter followed tears.
Love can be beautiful, and simultaneously scary. Despite our best intentions, life is not perfect.
You dove in headfirst. Maybe being smitten in kindergarten leaves little room for considering future consequences. But arguably, true love rarely allows us to think of our future in an unbiased, rational way. At the beginning of it all, we choose the one we love and say, “I do”, not comprehending the full meaning of through sickness and in health, until death do us part.
I also dove in headfirst. Being smitten in college leaves little room for considering future consequences. Well, I considered them, but I had no personal experience to draw from. Edward and I said, “I do” while standing in perfect health, facing a room full of sunshine and hope for our future.
Fast forward 5 years and working in oncology has provided me with a front row seat to other’s relationships. Specifically, a spouse caring for their partner dealing with cancer. The epitome of until death do us part.
I can’t help but imagine their lives before I knew them, before cancer. And while I cannot make assumptions for all, this is the general theme:
They met, fell in love, committed their lives to each other, and spent years travelling or working or raising a family or growing a garden — building a life together. Through this, their love deepened, changed, grew. By choosing each other day after day, the gift of their love was shared in its many forms.
And when they are seated in my clinic, holding hands expectantly as the word cancer threatens to shatter the life they built, the answer to my question is already evident; they would choose this love again and again, even if it ended the same way every time.
We've been through low
Been through sunshine, been through snow
All the colours of the weatherWe've been through high
Every corner of the sky
And still we're holding on togetherYou got all my love
Whether it rains or pours, I'm all yours
You've got all my love
Whether it rains, it remains
You've got all my love(All My Love - Coldplay)
I watch as a kiss is shared before parting ways each visit — one spouse heads into the infusion room, one leaves to run errands. Whether it rains or pours, I’m all yours. You’ve got all my love. Life experiences are slowly teaching me what marriage vows mean in reality. And at times, this requires re-committing to them in my heart. Inspired by this scene to choose selfless love, I will hug my husband tighter tonight.
And when I am tempted to fear for the future, to worry what pain or sadness or loss may come my way, I remember that it is worth it. It is worth falling in love, cultivating a selfless and honest love, gifting this to those around me, and cherishing it before it is gone. For loss may come, but today I want you to have all my love.
Thank you for being here,
*Details have been adjusted for patient protection while still maintaining the integrity of the story