To the Silent Ones
Letters to my patients, day 23
At first glance, you present like every other patient — there is nothing overtly different about you. But as we talk, you just nod. No questions, no comments or responses. You take it all in stride.
You are resigned to accept the way things are.
Why not? That is how you’ve always done it.
Through the pain of trauma — whatever the form — your inner voice has been silenced and your emotions disregarded. You found it safest to go along with what others said, to believe that they know better, to silence your opinion and to release control to the circumstances.
You just nod.
The problem is this silences your biggest advocate, yourself.
Who is going to explain your symptoms, voice your fears, ask the hard questions, explain the need for a break in treatment, express sadness or frustration or joy? Who is going to share your journey, your story, the ups and downs of your experience? If not you, then who?
We need to hear you.
I cannot reverse years of people silencing your voice, but I hope you can realize how valuable your voice truly is.
Your doctor needs to hear your questions, to know if the side effects were worse this treatment, to empathetically respond to your fears. I have seen patient opinions change a course of treatment, push for additional testing, succeed in choosing the right treatment for them. Your friends need to hear your experience, they want to step up and help. Others can learn from your story, sharing can reduce your stress. It will make a world of difference to take the chance, to be open, to share. Please, speak up.
When you are tempted to silence your inner voice, take what you need:
My feelings matter.
I am not a burden, I am worthy of care.
I will speak up, ask questions, advocate for my health.
My story is valuable.
I am not alone in these feelings, I can share my fears.
This is a journey, I will take it one day at a time.
My voice matters.
Thank you for being here,
This is part of a 31-day series of letters to my patients — those undergoing a work-up, diagnosis, or treatment for cancer. Topics are also focused on those caregiving and supporting individuals affected by cancer. This is not an easy journey, but you do not have to do it alone.
