To the Overwhelmed Ones
Letters to my patients, day 29
You were doing so well.
Sure, not everything made sense as the doctor talked about the biopsy results and stage of the cancer — but you understood the basics. Chemotherapy, a scan, surgery, radiation, another scan. Simple, right?
Nope. Not when humans are involved.
You sit through the hour-long education visit about all the possible side effects of chemotherapy and come out more confused, worrying if this is even the right choice. You still aren’t convinced as you sign the consent form and sit in the infusion room on that first day, IV medications coursing through your veins.
Your well-meaning neighbor brings over a soup as a kind gesture but then proceeds to talk about all the dangers of sugar and claims you’re negating the treatment effect by eating ice cream. You start to worry about everything you eat.
Your mom calls, saying she researched a naturalistic therapy center in Mexico and you should sign up. Also you should be taking a handful of supplements every night.
You hear that red meats increase the risk of your cancer. Did I cause this? Is it my fault?
A friend who also went through chemotherapy tells you to buy a cold pack for your hands, she used one to help reduce neuropathy caused by the medication. Wait, my doctor told me that my hands would be very sensitive to cold things on this treatment and I should avoid that.
You hear about the risks of radiation or surgery or maintenance treatment — and suddenly, your mind is shutting down.
You don’t know who to believe, what to eat, what treatment to choose, or how to function anymore.
It is a lot.
Not only are we in an age of disinformation disguised so well it tricks the experts, but cancer makes us especially vulnerable. Desperate times call for desperate measures — we want to do anything we can to stop, treat, cure, remove this imposter.
But I encourage you to take a step back.
While it is good to ask questions, we have to pick our battles. There is simply not enough time in our days to read everything out there related to our personal healthcare. Instead of looking at the big picture, take this journey one step at a time.
First, understand your diagnosis. Talk with your care team about your personal risks, potential causes, staging and what the goals of care will be.
Then take the next steps as they come — surgery or chemotherapy or hormone blocking pills or radiation or surveillance with scans. And whichever phase you are in, think about that alone.
Don’t borrow worry from tomorrow.
Find quality sources who you trust — your doctor, other members of the team, reputable websites like National Cancer Institute or American Cancer Society. There are many qualified Oncologists, Surgeons, Palliative medicine doctors and others on social media — vet your sources if that is where you get your information. Be selective with when you choose to expose yourself to this knowledge, set boundaries so that it is not constantly bombarding your daily life.
Ask questions when needed, keep a notebook of answers specific to you, and trust those worthy of that honor. It is going to be okay, you are not alone.
Tonight, allow your mind to rest. It is normal not to have all the answers, they come with time. One step at a time, you can do it.
When you feel overwhelmed, take what you need:
I do not have to know everything.
I will set boundaries around my learning.
I will find things to think about, read about, and find enjoyment in other than cancer.
I will focus on the trustworthy resources and people I trust to give me information.
I am not perfect and never will be — I can only do my best.
It is okay to ask questions.
One step at a time makes the journey manageable.
Thank you for being here,
Substack resources:
My favorite social media resources:
Dr. Eleonora Teplinsky (also on IG)
Krystle Zuniga, PhD, RD, CSO, LD (also on IG)
I would love to hear which trusted resources you have found helpful on your journey too!
This is part of a 31-day series of letters to my patients — those undergoing a work-up, diagnosis, or treatment for cancer. Topics are also focused on those caregiving and supporting individuals affected by cancer. This is not an easy journey, but you do not have to do it alone.
Related Letters:
*This is not intended as medical advice. Most of the claims above are not validated, only used for examples.
Thank you! You’re giving valuable advice!
I always come to appointments prepared with a list of questions that I write down. For my first visits after diagnosis, I had googled important questions to ask after a cancer diagnosis and also created a shared document with a few trusted friends so they could add questions that I might not have thought of. It was so helpful! It’s hard during the appointment when you’re assaulted with information to think of what to ask next, so my lists are always crucial.
I’ve brought my laptop too as I’m a faster typing than writing with a pen and paper.
Thank you for this series, Cheyenne. It’s been healing for me 💙